All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
