6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
