It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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