I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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