We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
