So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
