her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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