just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
