My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
