that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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