you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
