Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
