I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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