So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
