he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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