Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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