took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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