I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
one might say we're banned from that church
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
