how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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