1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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