my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
