i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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