batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
