Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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