My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
