her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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