Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
