Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
