How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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