just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
high people should be assigned attendants
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
