Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no, he came in my armpit
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
