we're blogging at a bar
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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