i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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