i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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