found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
