I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
