Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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