He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wear drunk well.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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