I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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