Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
