just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
