Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
