then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
