So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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