we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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