I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
