How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
