...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
