goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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