the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize