They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
