Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
