why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're too hungover to prance.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
