Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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