All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
