How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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