I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
