I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
