she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
