I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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