I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
