Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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