For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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