yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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