i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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