____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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