I wish I could punch you in the face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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